Marriage

Just a few days ,ago I celebrated my 27 birthday.'Celebrate' I would like to call it but none the less it was a step closer to the inevitable. I never realised what my age was and how fast time flies by.It seemed that just a few years ago I used to go to school,had loads of friends had no responsibilities.But I guess time never stops and change happens every second.
With my age as a factor I am begining to hear all sorts of chatter about my marriage.Sometimes my parents ,sometimes friends and most of the time relatives point out that its high time I should get married."Marriage" as strange as the word seems it really scares the shit out of me. Is it somehow derived from marijuana (marriage +uana):something fun initially but slowly eats you away.But every one does it .Why ?What exactly is marriage?
Well what I can make out of this institution is that two people (wouldn't be right to say of "different sex" in todays world) finally decide that its time to live life in a different way,leaving their care free self indulgent style for a totally different life, where you wont be you anymore ;you would become we. You will have to adjust & change yourself to your partners needs so that both the parties are in sync and the relationship harmonious.hmmm, not bad eh! .... but at the price of freedom ...Freedom of will, speech & expression.So is it really necessary?
Somehow ,I feel it is.Why?Because we are social animals.We need companions.We do have a need for a partner someone to call our own & someone one we can belong to.Then there is a need to have our offsprings,love them ,tend them ,train them so that they can finally become competant enough, to carry our blood lines in a dignified manner ,into the future.
So we decide to give it all up in hopes of marital bliss and a unknown exciting future.As far as I am concerned,I am still not there.Why ? simply because I am not sure what I want from my partner,what I expect and what I can give.Somehow, I also think that I havent yet found a person who would compliment me and make me complete.Lets see what future has installed for me.
So, time to end the post.In future posts I plan to analyse myself further to get a picture of an ideal mate for me.

The weekend

The longing for days increased as the week passed by.I wanted these days to come quickly.I was waiting for the weekend "The Saturday & The Sunday".The importance of these days in our lives is certainly indispensible.These are the holidays or the rest days we need to rejuvinate ourselves ,to get away from the daily chores and set routines ,to give our biological engines a much needed rest & to work to achieve some goals.
Some may spend time with their families & friends,some may persue their hobbies, but for many people this is the time to relax and waste just like me.I have no family & friends here so the 1st option is out of the question and i didnt persue my hobbies which cuts out the 2nd option too...so i waste this time lying on my bed with my laptop.Watching ,browsing,wasting.I know i should utilize this time...but Alas! a lazy fellow i am.This just isnt the story about me...I presume most of the people do this...and keep on wasting time doing nothing............At the end of the weekend I really feel guilty to have wasted so much of precious time but then as soon as the week progresses the longing comes in again.Day after day,week after week,month after month the time passes by.One more birthday celebrated one more year wasted.............Will I be able to break this lethargy and make my life more meaningful

The trip.......

Out of the small round window i could see the clouds ,the clouds once I thought to be window to my imagination.It had been anounced that the weather gods are not in a good mood and turbulance would be giving us company the whole way....Was that a tiger eating a tree ,or an eye staring at me ,such pictures and a lot more were always running through an innocent creative mind.Where have those thoughts gone ?where is that creativity now ?... why cant I just create a picture of whatever I wished ,anymore.....I wish I knew an answer but I can always contemplate............
In this process of growing up generally many a people tend to give more importance to what is materialistic ignoring the call from somewhere deep inside to think , to dream, to create.....and now its inaudible ,the call .... sensitivity lost ... slowly the time tics away and leaves nothing much to say... Like the life is mocking "hey this is what u always wanted isn't it ?" Where do I go from here ?

Desires Vs Needs

What differentiates animals from human beings.Is it the better evolved cognitive intelligence.Yes of course but what has been the effect of this cognizaince...Desires and efforts to attain those.But these exceed what is necessary for a basic living.Comparing men Vs animals,animals hunt just to feed their hungry stomach but humans may kill just as an entertainment.So where does one draw on the line.......thats a point to ponder.....

THE LONG WAIT TOWARDS UNKNOWN

THE Search TOWARDS the UNKNOWN

It has a long time ………..a long ling since I stopped dreaming stopped thinking, stopped fighting. I am so hollow…I am so subdued….Low in confidence, in self-esteem. Any step further is just a large wall which I fear to cross, a line inhibiting me to pass ….. So much at stake, I gambled and just waiting for the right time. But this wait, this delay is causing much pain frustration and agony in me.
I am incomplete…I have friends, a loving family, no problems as such but I am incomplete…I don’t know what I need to fill that up…..May be success is all that I need.
Yes that’s what I need but I haven’t tasted success in a long time ….a very long time….
Not that I am unsuccessful…I have been lucky but whatever I have aimed I have failed in that…..
At the end everything is good …if everything is not good it’s not the end ….I hope this is right……But much is at stake…My life, my future……….and time is against me. May be against all of us
I can see it coming ….something is coming towards me…..But I don’t know what. Hope and dreams are far away still……….Empty spaces fill me up with hope Voices inside tell me to keep it up…I hope I haven’t made a mistake………and ill happily dream once more……………………ill succeed someday……………Will someone please define success…………………………………………….